-: September 2007

Sunday, September 30, 2007

Words for New Works

Here are acouple of things I am playing with in hopes of making art?

The Servant of Two Masters

One of the projects I am working on is the set design for the play
"The Servant of Two Masters" by Carlos Goldoni.

Here are some drawings - the process and explanations come later.

I do it to myself

It is Sunday and all is not well but it is what I built.

Just by Radiohead

"You do it to yourself, you do

And that's what really hurts

Is that you do it to yourself

Just you, you and no-one else

You do it to yourself

You do it to yourself "

Friday night was the opening of "A Place to Call Home" and it was wonderful, friends came by to see the work and support the cause and driving home that night was the void at the pit of my stomach. It has not gone away it usually lingers for days the feeling of not belonging, not wanting to be a part of anything, longing to be alone. I was reminded the other day, when I mentioned my dream trip around the US in the Winnebago, that I have always been this way. Ready to leave the car by the side of the road and walk away from it all.

I gardened Saturday afternoon and it was nice to feel the earth in my hands and on my face. I think I could live there forever in the garden. How different from the boy leaving the car on the side of the road.

Saturday night I "met up" with a new friend and the void lingered and I was trying to not let it show but I am sure it did (in my mind). The setting was so nice and my new friend could not have been nicer but I was at that place, I built. Dreaming of the world where I do not need to interact, exchange or speak. I am sure there were two of me last night. One enjoying the pool, the rain, her perfume and the other pushing the insecurities and whispering in my ear all night. I have a friend that says you need to go by your gut. Well my gut was very annoying this weekend.

"You do it to yourself, you do
And that's what really hurts
Is that you do it to yourself
Just you, you and no-one else
You do it to yourself
You do it to yourself"

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Where am I and what do I do?

How long does it take a person who is scared to overcome fear? How long does it take for strength to reach the point where "I" is most important? How afraid does someone need to be before they stand and speak? I wish I knew.

(A friend I prayed with several weeks ago, said to me today that it was all inside me. That our prayer was me and things happened because of me.)

How long does it take to realize our own goodness even when it is flawed? If goodness can ever be flawed?

And then there is the problem of building a bridge for a second time with the tools and skills you used for the first one, enhanced skills and tools mind you but still the same ones. When do you loose the fear that this one will also fall while you are on it or below it? Bridges get built all the time and the only thing that stops them from being built is our ability to say "no". And the final question is - how long will it take to say "yes"?

Sunday, September 16, 2007

"Would you rather be happy or right?"

This was a part of today's message by Rev. Chris Jackson at Unity on the Bay and i would rather be happy, but what got me was how both of these things are tied together. Equating happiness with being or doing right has been a part of my entire life. I constantly say to my students what criteria are you using in terms of your judgement, (something I learned from aesthetics). So what tied right and happiness together for me? It does not matter as long as they stop being attached to each other. Now my happiness can be about being happy not being right. It is funny how i complicate such simple things.

another gift from a friend

Subject: Coffee

A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, were talking at a reunion and decided to go visit their old university professor, now retired. During their visit the conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in their work and lives. Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen andreturned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups -porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite - telling them to help themselves to the coffee.

When all the alumni had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said: "Notice that all the nice looking; expensive cups were taken up,leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. Be assured that the cup itself adds no quality to the coffee. In most cases it is just more expensive and in some cases even hides what we drink. What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup; but you consciously went for thebest cups ... and then you began eyeing each other's cups.

Now consider this: Life is the coffee; your job, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life. The type of cup one has does not define, nor change the quality of Life a person lives. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee God has provided us."

God makes the coffee, man chooses the cups. The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything.

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly.

Enjoy your coffee!

Thursday, September 13, 2007

The Season in Hell is done

Here are the 12 drawings from "A Season in Hell". When i started this project i was not clear on where it would go and maybe i now know a little bit more. The poem that has been a great part of my life for 28 years is no longer the mantra it had become. It has transformed and with its transformation i accepted the change and now i have 12 places. They are the places where i go in my dreams of not being here, they are landscapes and forests. Enjoy them as i did for i had a wonderful time finding them