Just by Radiohead
"You do it to yourself, you do
And that's what really hurts
Is that you do it to yourself
Just you, you and no-one else
You do it to yourself
You do it to yourself "
Friday night was the opening of "A Place to Call Home" and it was wonderful, friends came by to see the work and support the cause and driving home that night was the void at the pit of my stomach. It has not gone away it usually lingers for days the feeling of not belonging, not wanting to be a part of anything, longing to be alone. I was reminded the other day, when I mentioned my dream trip around the US in the Winnebago, that I have always been this way. Ready to leave the car by the side of the road and walk away from it all.
I gardened Saturday afternoon and it was nice to feel the earth in my hands and on my face. I think I could live there forever in the garden. How different from the boy leaving the car on the side of the road.
Saturday night I "met up" with a new friend and the void lingered and I was trying to not let it show but I am sure it did (in my mind). The setting was so nice and my new friend could not have been nicer but I was at that place, I built. Dreaming of the world where I do not need to interact, exchange or speak. I am sure there were two of me last night. One enjoying the pool, the rain, her perfume and the other pushing the insecurities and whispering in my ear all night. I have a friend that says you need to go by your gut. Well my gut was very annoying this weekend.
"You do it to yourself, you do
And that's what really hurts
Is that you do it to yourself
Just you, you and no-one else
You do it to yourself
You do it to yourself"
Friday night was the opening of "A Place to Call Home" and it was wonderful, friends came by to see the work and support the cause and driving home that night was the void at the pit of my stomach. It has not gone away it usually lingers for days the feeling of not belonging, not wanting to be a part of anything, longing to be alone. I was reminded the other day, when I mentioned my dream trip around the US in the Winnebago, that I have always been this way. Ready to leave the car by the side of the road and walk away from it all.
I gardened Saturday afternoon and it was nice to feel the earth in my hands and on my face. I think I could live there forever in the garden. How different from the boy leaving the car on the side of the road.
Saturday night I "met up" with a new friend and the void lingered and I was trying to not let it show but I am sure it did (in my mind). The setting was so nice and my new friend could not have been nicer but I was at that place, I built. Dreaming of the world where I do not need to interact, exchange or speak. I am sure there were two of me last night. One enjoying the pool, the rain, her perfume and the other pushing the insecurities and whispering in my ear all night. I have a friend that says you need to go by your gut. Well my gut was very annoying this weekend.
"You do it to yourself, you do
And that's what really hurts
Is that you do it to yourself
Just you, you and no-one else
You do it to yourself
You do it to yourself"
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